A friend was reading me a list her pastor shared of five things a guy must be in order for a Christian girl to be interested in him. It’s an excellent list! (Here’s the sermon) He likened it to a 30-foot fence the guy must climb over to be worthy of her attention. They all involve leadership and are taken from Ephesians 5. In a nutshell, the list is (with a few comments of my own):
1) Lead in love. 5:25
As Christ loved the Church – sacrificially. Biblical love is an act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to an action on behalf of its object.
2) Lead in the Word. 5:26
Guys need to be students of the Word themselves and then make Bible study together the defining thing in their dating relationships and ultimately in marriage.
3) Protect her purity. 5:27
No pornography or sexual activity before marriage and no pornography after marriage. According to a recent survey conducted by ChristianMingle.com of singles ages 18-59, 63% said they would be willing to have sex before marriage. Guys, take the lead here by choosing to honor God and the girl by refusing to defile yourself and her.
4) Lead in selflessness. 5:28
It’s the avenue by which grace flows. The guy needs to model this by putting the girl’s needs above his own. Girls tend to devalue themselves, while guys tend to think highly of themselves. When a guy chooses selflessness, he is showing the girl how valuable she is.
5) Lead in intimacy. 5:29
Intimacy is about letting someone into your life that is not readily available to other people. The guy must let his guard down, allow the girl in, and then put up a wall that no one else can get past. Guys create an atmosphere of trust when they hang a sign on that wall that says, “No trespassing.”
God sure knows what He’s talking about.
I don’t know one genuinely godly girl who wouldn’t follow a guy like that.
Obviously, each one of those qualities is a keeper but I would like to go back and place special emphasis on one in particular because I rarely hear it addressed and even rarer still, hear that it actually happens … leading in the Word.
Guys, if you’re having your own personal Bible study time, good for you! You’re way ahead of most and God will bless you for it. But if you sincerely want to be a godly dater and eventual husband, you must translate that personal time with God into conversation and time with the girl in your life.
Way more than flowers, movies and romantic dinners … WAY more … a girl desires her guy to talk with her about God. This is likely a stretch for you but you have to learn to articulate what God means to you and what you are learning from the Bible. And to take it a step further, you absolutely must initiate times of Bible study together. It couldn’t be any clearer!
“Husbands, love your wives … cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word.”
And just because that statement is addressed to husbands doesn’t mean it excludes single guys. If you’re not doing it when you date, you won’t do it when you’re married.
I can’t tell you how many women over the years have told me through tears how deeply they desire their husbands to be the spiritual leader in their home. Why isn’t it happening? I have to believe you don’t want the woman in your life to be broken-hearted. You want her respect so are probably doing the manly things you know to do to earn that. But guys, there will always be a lack in your relationship with her if you aren’t stepping to the plate spiritually.
You want to reach a girl’s heart? Start by opening your Bible.
And girls? Don’t settle for anything less. I can hear some of you groaning through the screen, “But there aren’t any guys like that!” First of all, God is still in the business of raising his men so there have to be some. But second, and something to seriously ponder, maybe the lack is because girls have lowered the bar and let guys off the hook.
Don’t. Do. That.
Wait for the guy who will lead and love like Jesus.